Exhaustive

"Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. And the Lord said to Satan, "From where do you come?" So Satan answered the Lord and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it." Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?" - Job 1:6-8

30 seconds to read, 6 hours of discussion. I wish my buddy Luke read my blogs he would be the first to attest to the LATE night we spent going over these 3 versus in the middle of the Bible. My studies that night quickly brought me to the conclusion that Satan is under our feet. The funny part is that I already knew that. However, his reason for existence surprised the heck out of me and has, 7 years later continued to unfold in my mind. So 3 versus, 6 hours, 7 years of peeled back layers going about as deep as the mind will allow. Let me explain...

Have you ever taken 5 minutes just to try and fathom a God that has no beginning? The fact that he has no end is daunting enough, but seriously think about no creator for a creator. Infinitely existing both in the past and the future. Deep right? When you break it down, the only way to try to come to grasp with it is to understand that time itself was created. God doesn't work in the parameters of time he is outside of it. Even the "Matrix" couldn't go that deep. Now to get back on track, in my peeling back the layers of Satan and trying to understand that throughout my upbringing in the church I was told that Satan could never come before God after the fall, how on earth was he upstairs having this conversation before the throne of God? Well, it's easy really. Satan is defined in Websters dictionary as, "adversary" other translations say "opposition." All those hard times, trials, tribulation... we think of those situations as evil and they have nothing but a negative condentation. The truth is we need these stumbling blocks in our lives. Ezekiel 3:20 says, "When a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I (God) lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die." In Jude 1:24, Jude says, "Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be Glory and Majesty,dominion and power, both now and forever."

Satan was and is used by God as a stumbling block; God's adversary and opposition to bring true love out of us. It had to happen this way. His plan is so infinitely perfect that we fail to grasp the length he had to go just to conceive love within his children. First we are tempted to sin, then we have a choice to partake or to abstain, by abstaining we defeat the enemy and show God that a Father's will is our will too. When my earthly father set a curfew for me when I was younger and I came home on time, I know my dad felt love in that moment rather than disappointment by me knowingly disobeying him. It is the same with God, these "stumbling blocks" are here to refine us and furthermore when we are obedient to his word we are showing God that we are irrevocably in love with him.

I get a kick out of my posts, mainly because of the tangents. I could literally write 15,000 words on these 3 versus and not even scratch the surface. My point is this... The Bible can be read in 77 hours, cover to cover. But even with some of the books in the Bible being written several thousand years ago and theologians, Pharisees, priests, pastors, evangelists, scientists, presidents, fathers, and the billions of other people who have read the bible... we still have not unlocked even half of what God laid out through his word.

This book was not created for your entertainment, it was not professed by men who later became martyrs due to their "spreading of the gospel", to be your instruction manual. This book was carefully pieced together to give POWER, AUTHORITY, and show example after example of God's perfect and infinitely beautiful LOVE though his many sacrifices.

Don't sunshine on my rain!

They should have a warning label on the "blogger" homepage that reads, "Please do not post a blog when under the influence of an emotional ... whatever."

With that said, I am planning on breaking the rules with this post.

I am reminded of the movie Family Man, one of my wife's favorites. Without asking her, I can pretty much guarantee the reason for the facination is based off of 3 lines... Kate, "How can you do that?" Jack, "What?" Kate, "Look at me like you haven't seen me everyday for the last 13 years." It is brilliant writing because they don't offend the audience in anyway. The fact is that the writers want to show that in a 13 year marriage things get very mundane. They also want to tickle the emotions of a woman by showing that this man is looking at his wife like he just walked into Bass Pro Shops with a $10,000 gift card. We all know that it was a fluke and that he was, in his reality on day 2 of their marriage, but it still feels good to be loved like that, fluke or not.


Now from a man's point of view I can tell you that things aren't much different for us. We too would always like to remain the trophy husbands. We are not stupid. We know that we have gained weight, that our libido is comparable to a steam run locomotive, still working but inefficient, and that the tv remote is now considered a body part. But with all that said, we still need you to look at us like we are the all too revealing Jacob in the Twilight movies. Most husbands out there would agree, our wives aren't oowing and awing at us. We know that there will always be someone cuter, stronger, or more Jacob-like than us, but we never want you to be the one to point it out. We want to be your Sean Connery, better with age, as my mom always says.

So ladies, make us feel like Kate. Look at us like every other man out there is disgusting and homeless looking and God gave you the only handsome man in the world. Use phrases to your girlfriends like, "well he's ok", "hopefully he has a good personality", or "from a distance and with my eyes close he looks alright", when refering to other men. This at least will keep coal in our steam engines and keep us pushing toward a blissful marriage.

Who is she really?

So... do I go sappy with this post? I am pretty sure I can tug at the heart strings of all the females out there without getting too mushy.

If you are a Twilight fan than you know that the first book was written from Bella's point of view and after completing the saga, Stephanie Meyer attempted to go back and rewrite the first book from Edward's point of view. Due to someone leaking Edward's tale before the book was completed, Stephanie Meyer decided to quit midstream on the much anticipated, male perspective tale. The question is... Would the book from Edward's point of view capture the hearts of women more than the fable from Bella's point of view? Possibly. It's what women want right? To know how a man peels back the layers of a woman. Of course Edward isn't just any man. Edward isn't the man that magazine's portray as the average man who thinks about sex every 6 seconds. Women aren't out there looking to read a romance from Hugh Hefner's point of view. They want fantasy and fantasy to them is mysterious, easy on the eyes, and bottomless in intrigue!

I have a feeling that the attestation of Edward's view of Twilight was that of an effeminate Edward. As good of a writer as Stephanie Meyer is, it would be hard to capture a largely female audience by doing anything otherwise.

In the next few paragraphs I am going to attempt to do due justice to my wife by telling her story through my eyes. This union respected by most has a core that is blanketed by the wisdom of this woman that you all have had the pleasure to grow close to by her journals and testimonials of faith and love. It is simple to gauge the persona of Nicole by her powerful and heart piercing posts. I want to briefly take you on a journey now, through my eyes, of what I have seen take place in a woman that is quickly transforming from a best friend to a personal hero.

Summer 2003, smoker chic, rebel, confused, taglines that would best describe my future wife Nicole. Same summer just 1,000 miles away in Dallas, TX I am scribbling on a piece of paper during one of my classes, "Top 10 Qualities I want in a Woman". While I can't remember everything I listed on that paper I can promise you that smoker, parent-defying, just turned 18, center of the world girl were not on the list. I was looking for a promise, a promise I felt was gift wrapped in servitude and topped with conservative attire. Yeah, not Nicole!

When I came back to Arizona on leave from school I must have left the list in my dorm room. Because the moment I met Nicole none of that mattered anymore. Now a few of you right now are, I am sure, shaking your heads thinking you should never compromise on what God puts in your heart. I can be 100% honest with you when I say there was no compromise. My objectives were vain, selfish, and shallow. God's plan was deep, perfect and frankly mind-blowing. There is no greater feeling for a man than to know that he is needed. To be a help mate. Looking at Nicole through divine eyes yielded a woman whose likeness was that of a clam holding on to a pearl. The pearl is what you see now! What I have had the pleasure to experience over the past 7 years see develop. Sorry I am getting ahead of myself... Friends, parents, everyone, all could not see what I was able to already understand. They saw a promise that had already run it's course and was beginning to cir cum to the wants of this world. They had blinders on.

For two weeks after our first encounter, I could not get her out of my head. Guys, you understand that feeling. And girls I can only hope you do as well. It is the single most compelling memory I have in the roots of our relationship. I literally could not focus, I couldn't sleep. What had happened to me? I dated several girls in Texas all groomed to be pastor's wives, my wives. She was now my purpose in life, she was created by God to fulfill so much more in both of our lives than I have yet to imagine.

Sever years later I now find myself treading water to stay afloat. With Nicole being my life preserver, I try to keep my eyes above the water line to see what she will conquer next. In a few months time she has exposed herself, and using the transparency of her journals she has captivated your hearts like she has done mine. To know what is in her heart has been an endless pursuit of mine, and I keep striving for the day where I will arrive. Her heart was never mine, but always his (Christ's), and that is why our love will never be quenched, never tire. Baby thank you for being my best friend, my lover, and my hero!

Numero Uno

First post, first post, first post...

What to write about, right? You all have felt it. The pressure of the first post, knowing that my one follower may disfollow me due to lack of creativity or the snooze factor. No, not this post! I am here to rock your world... Nicole.

14 years old, Brimhall Junior High in Mesa, AZ, playing flag football during P.E. a classmate, attempting to pull my flag, instead ripped my gym shirt rendoring it unusable. Flash forward 4 hours... me standing in front of my dad's dresser knowing a stack of $20 bills would be glaring me in the face. The years prior to this showdown were riddled with theivary. On occassion I would frequent the golf club parking lot in search for "chromies", metallic valve stem caps on luxury vehicles. I spent over a thousand dollars on useless baseball cards, the real story is that I stole another $300 dollars worth easily. But here I was a fourteen year old boy who was terrified of the thought of stealing even a dime from my father. So why? It was a gym t-shirt, my dad would understand. $14 dollars at the bookstore to replace it and the suspense / terror would be over. As you can imagine I slid my hand in the dresser and took a fresh $20 bill and never looked back.

Flash foward again now at the age of 28. Looming medical / dental bills, house payment, car insurance, etc. and the struggle lives on. Sure I learned my lesson at 14 when for 3 days straight my father, fully knowing I had stole from him, like clockwork every night before bed would ask me if I had taken the money from the drawer, and I would lie... "no daddy, I would never do that." Finally breaking down I wept, I confessed, I promised never to do it again. For the mostpart I delivered on that promise, staying away from the things that caused me to be a misbent youth.

However, there is one thing that I still have not been able to overcome. The one thing that led to the stealing, the lying, the hurt and pain. The fear of reaching out! Embarassment, guilt, humilty... all things I feared more than commiting the sin itself. I told my dad the day I confessed to stealing the reason, still to this day I am not sure if he took it as an excuse or if he felt I was being honest with him as I felt broken on my bed.

This weekend, once again, I felt that same feeling. Not becuase I stole, but because I felt ashamed to have to reach out to others / friends for help. I had a conversation with a close friend over the weekend that was aware of the mounting financial obligations that hit the fan over the weekend. And he asked me if I needed some help, financially. I told him, "we are good, I have always been able to count on God to provide." He responded with, "maybe God sent me." We both laughed but it was the truth. The lesson in all this is two-fold. I realized that asking for help is asking for love. This was an opportunity for this person to show me love in a way that is richer and true'r than words could ever express. He knew the need without me even telling him of the need in the first place. Now this afternoon sitting here at work, with surgery on the horizon, I can breathe. The burden is lifted and the benevolent man felt love by lending a hand. 2-fold! The clay goes through the fire to form the vase. Without the fire the vase would crack and whither away. But because of the fire the vase is smooth, strong and beautiful. We go through the fire in our lives to become strong, to withstand the falls and the elements. God is our potter, we are the clay! I am forever in his hands while he is forming me into this beautiful person.